Help, My Parents Want a 40-Table Wedding and I Just Want to Elope

Let me paint you a picture: My fiancée and I are dreaming of a quiet, intimate wedding. Maybe on a beach, barefoot. Maybe under a tree somewhere in Sentosa with a celebrant, 10 people max, followed by cocktails, tacos, and absolutely no PowerPoint montages.

Enter: my parents.

Or more accurately, my entire ancestral line, who seem to believe that unless you throw a 40-table banquet with shark’s fin soup and extended relatives you haven’t seen since Y2K, it doesn’t count as a wedding.

And I get it. Sort of.

But also? No. Just no.

The Great Singapore Wedding Paradox

Weddings in Singapore are a weird fever dream of tradition [33. Chinese Wedding Traditions in Singapore], obligation, and “face.” One minute you’re casually browsing Pinterest, and the next you’re in a war room with Excel sheets titled “Table Distribution v3.2 FINAL FINAL.” What happened to love? What happened to joy?

Apparently, they both got assigned to Table 16 with your dad’s insurance agent and your mum’s mahjong kakis.

The 40-Table Mentality

• My secondary school math tutor.
• Auntie Janet who knew me when I was “still in diapers.”
• The neighbour’s daughter’s husband’s cousin who once sold us durians in 2003.

They even suggested inviting someone because they attended my cousin’s wedding in 2018, like this is some kind of matrimonial MLM.

Meanwhile, I Just Want to Elope

I’ve floated the idea of a small wedding [37. Who to Invite to My Wedding?]. Keyword: floated. Like a very tentative balloon that was immediately popped with the sharp needle of disappointment.

“Elope? What do you mean, elope? You don’t want to honour your family?”

I do! I really do! I just also want to not spend $80,000 feeding 400 people half of whom I don’t know, while trying to smile through a 5-hour banquet that feels more like a corporate D&D than a celebration of love.

Is that so wrong?

But Let’s Talk Logistics

In Singapore, weddings are expensive. If you go full traditional banquet at a hotel like Fullerton or Capella, you’re looking at anywhere from $1,800 to $3,500 per table—and that’s before outfits, photography, décor, emcee, and the classic awkward game of “Guess The Ang Bao Amount.”

If you do 40 tables, that’s potentially $70,000 to $140,000. For one night. One.

Meanwhile, Registry of Marriages (ROM) lets you get legally married for $42 on a weekday. That’s less than two drinks at Jigger and Pony.

So What Now?

• What we want
• What our parents expect
• What our bank account allows

So here’s my plan. And if you’re in the same boat (shipwreck?), maybe it’ll help:

1. Acknowledge the Emotional Stake

Our parents aren’t trying to bankrupt us. To them, this is more than a party. It’s about legacy, community, and seeing their kid step into adulthood the “proper” way. It’s wrapped in years of culture, sacrifice, and—yes—face.

So I’ll listen. I’ll nod. I’ll pretend to consider Table 41.

2. Propose a Hybrid Wedding

Split it up. ROM and a small personal ceremony now. Big dinner reception later—maybe even months later. That way, you get both authenticity and appeasement. And if you plan smart, you can recycle your outfits. (Trust me, the cheongsam isn’t cheap.)

3. Draw Boundaries Without Drama

Be kind, but be clear. “We really want to keep it intimate. Maybe we can compromise on 10–15 tables max, and we’ll cover half.” Or even, “We’ll pay for the elopement, and if you’d like to host a separate dinner, we’ll show up with smiles.”

Translation: Love you, but I’m not going into debt for Uncle Tan.

Final Thoughts

At the end of the day, your wedding is one day. Your marriage is the rest of your life. Don’t let guilt or tradition bulldoze your sanity.

If a 40-table wedding makes you happy, go for it. But if what you want is vows under the stars with sand in your shoes and zero drama—then run. Not from love, but from obligation disguised as “normal.”

Because here’s the truth:

It’s your wedding. Not a community service project.