When my fiancé proposed, I had three immediate thoughts:
- OMG, yes.
- Wait… who do I tell first?
- Oh crap — how do I choose my bridesmaids without accidentally destroying all my friendships?
Because here’s the thing they don’t tell you about getting engaged: choosing your bridal party is like assembling your own mini Avengers — except instead of fighting aliens, you’re battling guest lists, dress drama, and emotional meltdowns (yours and theirs).
So if you’re currently pacing around trying to decide between your secondary school BFF, your JC CCA clique, and your cousin who once helped you through a breakup via a three-hour Zoom call — breathe. I got you.
1. Start With the Heart, Not the Hype
This isn’t a popularity contest. Your bridal party should be filled with people who:
- love you unconditionally,
- won’t flake when things get stressful, and
- won’t make it about them.
If someone makes you feel like you’re walking on eggshells during normal life, imagine the tension when you’re finalising seating arrangement [35. How to plan tables at a Wedding Banquet] at 2AM before your wedding. Hard pass.
2. Define Their Role (Before They Ask)
Most go the time, bridal party roles vary a lot. Some brides expect bridesmaids to help plan the gatecrash [2. Top 5 Wedding Gatecrash Games], emcee [15.Do I Need an Emcee for My Wedding?] the dinner, or coordinate outfits. Others are like, “Just wear this dress, smile in photos, and don’t spill red wine on the gown.”
Whichever you are, be upfront. Clear expectations = less drama. And honestly, some people are better suited as guests than bridesmaids — and that’s totally okay.
3. You Don’t Need to Include Everyone
Just because she was your roommate in uni or your BFF in poly seven years ago doesn’t mean she gets automatic entry. If you haven’t had coffee since 2020 or she lowkey ghosted your birthday dinner, she might not be bridal party material.
Your wedding isn’t a reunion special. It’s your day. Keep it tight.
4. Cousins, Colleagues, and Other Curveballs
Here’s where things get tricky. Asian family expectations can be… robust. If your mum is strongly suggesting you include your second cousin because she was at her wedding in 1987 — smile, nod and politely deflect.
Same goes for colleagues. If she’s your office bestie, by all means! But don’t feel pressured to include someone just because you lunch with them twice a week. She’ll survive. HR won’t file a report.
5. The Bridesman Dilemma
Yes, you can have a guy in your bridal party. It’s 2025. If your childhood bestie is a dude who’s helped you through every breakup and your K-pop obsession, he deserves a spot next to you — tux and all.
It’s your squad. You make the rules.
6. Don’t Ghost Anyone — Handle With Class
If someone expected to be part of the party but isn’t, don’t disappear. Send a heartfelt message. Thank them for being part of your life, explain your decisions, and remind them how much it means for them to attend as a guest.
They might be disappointed, but trust me — kindness goes a long way (especially in our small social circles).
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TL;DR: Your bridal party should feel like emotional support, not emotional debt. Choose the people who ground you, hype you, and genuinely want to see you happy — not just in wedding photos, but in life.
And if all else fails… blame your wedding planner [16. Do We Need a Wedding Planner?].
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