💍 I Proposed to Him First—And He Loved It

I didn’t get down on one knee in front of the Merlion, don’t worry. But I did pop the question before he did. Yes—I proposed to my boyfriend first, and no, I wasn’t possessed.

I was just… done waiting.

The Myth of “Let Him Be Ready”

In Singapore, we love our traditions. Like chope-ing tables with tissue packets, booking BTOs at 25, and pretending not to care when our friend’s boyfriend buys her a giant ring.

But the unspoken rule is still this: guys propose. Girls drop hints. We send ring photos. We cry during surprise proposal videos like it’s an Olympic sport. And then we wait. And wait. And wait.

But why?

Is the proposal about showing love—or about sticking to a script written by bridal marketing agencies?

My boyfriend and I had been together for 4 years. We talked about marriage often, made plans, even went to look at resale flats near his mum’s place in Toa Payoh. But the proposal? He hadn’t gotten around to it. “Soon,” he’d say.

I don’t know if “soon” meant 3 months or 3 lunar cycles, but one day I looked at him over our brunch pancakes and said, “Hey. You wanna marry me or what?”

He thought I was joking. I wasn’t. I told him I had a ring—yes, I actually bought one. Not a big sparkly diamond, but a slick matte black band that made him look like real badass. I put it in a little velvet box I ordered off Shopee. Not sponsored, just efficient.

And then, I proposed. In my apartment, wearing an oversized tee, with messy hair and yesterday’s eyeliner. Not a violin in sight. And you know what? He loved it.

The Real Reaction

He laughed, hugged me, and said, “You beat me to it.” Turns out, he had been planning a proposal. He even secretly asked my best friend about ring designs [48. Types of Diamonds for Engagement Rings: A Bride’s Guide to the Sparkle]. But he admitted something important:

“I didn’t realise how much pressure I felt to make it ‘perfect.’ I was scared I’d mess it up.”

Guys feel it too, just in different ways. Society makes it seem like the proposal is their one chance to be romantic superheroes—surprise her, stun her and spend at least six month’s salary. But that pressure can stall things, make it feel less organic.

I took the pressure off and in return, I got a moment that was real, mutual, and actually us.

Did People Judge?

Yes. One of his colleagues called it “weird.” My aunt asked if he was okay with “losing face.” My grandma said, “Wah, very modern ah.” But we didn’t care. We were too busy being happy.

Tradition is fine if it serves you. But if it traps you in inaction and doubt, break it. Or at least bend it until it fits you better.

And if anyone tells you that proposing as a woman is desperate, remind them that Cleopatra seduced Caesar, Mulan saved China, and you just secured the love of your life with a $12 ring box and guts.

Who’s desperate now?

TL;DR?

Ladies, if he’s the one, and you know it, and you’re ready—go for it. You don’t need fireworks, drones, or a flash mob in Clarke Quay. All you need is love… and maybe a well-timed brunch.