When my wife and I got married, there was one moment I’ll never forget—not the vows, not the kiss, not even the cake. It was the moment I knelt before her parents during the tea ceremony [41. Tea Ceremony Norms in Singapore].
To the outsider, it probably looked a little old-school. Maybe even unnecessary. But to me, it was everything: a gesture of respect, humility and the start of something far bigger than a wedding. It was the start of a family.
In today’s modern weddings—especially here in Singapore where we’re blending cultures, careers and contemporary aesthetics—there’s a temptation to “skip the formalities.” And kneeling during the tea ceremony? Often the first thing on the chopping block.
But here’s why I believe kneeling isn’t just tradition for tradition’s sake.
🫖 The Tea Ceremony: More Than a Photo Op
We all know the tea ceremony is a staple of Chinese and Peranakan weddings in Singapore. Whether it’s held at home, a hotel suite, or tucked neatly into a tight ROM-day timeline, it’s usually one of the first formal rituals that marks a couple’s new status.
But what many forget is that kneeling—or at the very least, bowing deeply while serving tea—isn’t just symbolic. It’s personal. It’s physical. It grounds you.
Kneeling is a way to lower yourself, literally and metaphorically, to say:
“Thank you for raising this person I love.”
“I honour you.”
“I’m not just joining your family—I’m acknowledging its foundation.”
🧓 “But My Parents-In-Law Said It’s Okay Not To…”
Yes, you’ll hear this a lot. Singaporean parents are often gracious, especially when they know their children are juggling wedding costs, in-law politics and the Great Venue Booking Wars of 2025.
But sometimes, honouring someone means going the extra mile even if they don’t expect it. It’s not about obligation. It’s about choosing to show reverence, because you can.
🎎 It’s Not About the Act. It’s About the Heart.
Kneeling doesn’t make you a better spouse. But it does remind you, in that brief moment, that this marriage is more than two people. It’s two families. Two lineages. Two histories meeting at a single point in time.
And honestly? In our fast-paced, hyper-efficient Singapore lives, those pauses for reflection are rare—and deeply valuable.
🧘 What If You Really Can’t Kneel?
No problem. Some brides in qipaos or traditional wear can’t move easily. Some grooms have knee issues. Others are in tight venues with low tables.
You don’t need to literally kneel for the message to be sincere. A full bow, a deep posture, a steady tone of voice—all can carry the same weight if done with the right intention.
What matters most is that you approach the moment with reverence—not routine.
✨ The Legacy Lives On
Here’s what I’ll tell my children one day when they ask why their father knelt in a suit that didn’t breathe and shoes that pinched:
“Because love isn’t always about convenience. It’s about showing up. Humbly. Wholeheartedly. Honourably.”
And if you’re planning your wedding now? I’d say this: don’t skip the kneel just because it looks old-fashioned. Sometimes, the oldest things are the ones that still ground us best.
Comments