Not long ago, over coffee at a quiet café, a younger colleague told me she and her fiancé were going for pre-marital counselling.
My first instinct was to smile and nod. My second was to ask—quietly—why? They’d just posted their BTO [50. Is applying for a BTO the same as getting engaged?] key collection photo on Instagram, grinning ear to ear. They seemed happy, aligned, even annoyingly perfect.
She answered before I could ask.
“We just want to make sure we start on the right foot. We don’t want to wait until something goes wrong.”
That one sentence stayed with me for days.
What Is Pre-Marital Counselling, Really?
In Singapore, the phrase still raises eyebrows. Some see it as unnecessary—we’re not broken, why do we need fixing? Others quietly worry it means there’s already trouble. But that’s missing the point.
Pre-marital counselling isn’t about problems. It’s about preparation. It’s less about solving and more about strengthening.
Think of it like learning to drive before getting on the road. Or reading the manual before assembling Ikea furniture (especially if it’s a marriage-sized wardrobe). You can go without it—but wouldn’t it be less painful with some guidance?
Why It Matters—Especially in Singapore
In a high-pressure city like ours, couples juggle more than wedding plans. There’s the flat, the finances, the in-laws, the careers, and the quiet expectation to “just handle it” like our parents did.
But times have changed.
Our generation doesn’t just want to survive marriage—we want to thrive in it. And thriving begins with understanding.
Pre-marital counselling gives couples a safe, neutral space to talk through big-ticket issues:- How do we handle conflict?
- How much should we save or spend?
- What if one of us wants kids and the other isn’t sure?
- How do we balance family traditions (and Sunday lunches with both sides)?
- How do we express love when we’re stressed?
- What does emotional safety look like to you?
- Who does the laundry—and why is that always a fight?
These aren’t obvious questions when you’re planning your wedding playlist [17. What Kind of Music Should We Play at Our Wedding?] or fighting about the guest list [37. Who to Invite to My Wedding? A Practical Guide for Couples in Singapore]. But they become essential once real life kicks in.
What to Expect During Pre-Marital Counselling
It’s not group therapy with strangers or some awkward lecture on love. Most sessions are just the two of you and a trained counsellor or facilitator. In Singapore, these are often conducted through community groups, churches, or organisations like Touch Community Services, REACH Counselling, or Fei Yue.
Some sessions are more structured—like the popular Prepare/Enrich programme—while others are conversational and tailored to each couple.
You’ll discuss:- Communication styles
- Conflict resolution
- Financial habits
- Intimacy and expectations
- Family planning
- Roles and responsibilities
And most importantly, how to navigate differences with respect and intention.
Some couples walk away feeling affirmed. Others, challenged—but in a good way. Either way, you leave better equipped.
But We’re Already So Close—Do We Really Need It?
That’s like saying, “We’ve never had a flat tyre, so why learn to change one?”
Pre-marital counselling isn’t about doubting your connection. It’s about deepening it. It’s about having the harder conversations before you’re too tired or too hurt to have them.
I’ve seen couples discover things they never thought to ask. Not because they weren’t in love, but because love sometimes assumes more than it understands.
Is It Mandatory?
For most couples in Singapore, no. It’s not a legal requirement (unless you’re marrying under certain religious traditions, like in the Catholic Church). But it is increasingly encouraged—and more accessible than ever.
In fact, some government-supported marriage preparation programmes are subsidised or offered for free if you’re marrying a Singapore Citizen or PR.
Final Thoughts from Someone 13 Years In
If I could go back and talk to 25-year-old me—excited, idealistic, and slightly overwhelmed—I’d tell her this:
Love doesn’t automatically make you a good communicator, a patient partner, or a mind reader. That takes work. And the earlier you start, the better.
So, is pre-marital counselling really necessary? Not in the same way your wedding dress or ring is.
But those are for a day.
Counselling? That’s for a lifetime.
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